


Arctic Anthem Part 1 The Screaming Night

by transtomgirl



Category: Christmas Fantasy Adventure, Original Work
Genre: Arctic, Bisexual, Christmas, Elves, F/F, Gnomes, Lesbian, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-08-13 07:41:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20170627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transtomgirl/pseuds/transtomgirl
Summary: What good is being royalty if you can't ever go home again? That's why Kris gave up and fled to the opposite end of the Earth. But when your history is everyone else's mythology,the past has a way of catching up. Can she save her homeland? More importantly,can she save Christmas?





	Arctic Anthem Part 1 The Screaming Night

**Author's Note:**

> The first 8 chapters of a novel. It's a lesbian Christmas story with darker,more mature themes. Mythological elements are imbued with political reality. Feedback appreciated!

"Oh Arctica,my kingdom amid the snow"! I  
"Oh Winter Lady born from good cheer and great courage,my love for thee is as eternal as the ice"!  
"As the polar bears dare and the reindeer fly,we reach for the sky".  
"For It is better to give,but this call we receive;Polarian,Elf and Gnome".  
"To guide noble spirits towards the Auroran Lights,a signal of prosperity,hope and home".  
"We lead from atop the world;wrapped warmly in green and red,flanked by black and white, as we guard the tree of knowledge and the gifts of Kringle."  
The Arctican national anthem. Since its never heard outside the Shelf,it is sometimes referred to as "The Silent Song" or "The Secret Song". "Polarian" was the final term for an Arctic born human,with "Kringle" and simply "human" being used before that. The so-called True Elves have banned every version of the anthem,uttering even one line is punishable by death.

Prologue  
Sometimes,Kris actually missed the snow. Rediculous really. Growing up,she saw more white powder then a snowboarding penguin. The girl prince even started to believe that's all she'd ever see,frozen plains stretching into eternity. But now Kris was laying on a Hawaii beach,her red hair and ginger features wrapped in an aloha shirt plus cap combo, looking at the horizon as the tide tickles her toes. And yet somehow, she’s missing the snow. Its funny how one's birthplace can stay with them,often despite all efforts to the contrary. The Trade Winds kick up and the tide becomes more aggressive,tickling Kris's toes as memories threaten to drown the errant royal.  
A proud Prince,decked out in red and green. But there is no feast hall,no castle,and no nutcrackers. There is only desolate snow and a single pine tree. The tree is brightly decorated,red ornaments and gold tinsel. There's even a gold star at the top. It's a bit ostentatious,and the star is about to fall. The girl prince moves to adjust the decorations, when she notices the ground beneath her feet is wet. To her horror, it's not melted ice that moistens the snowy ground. It's blood. Suddenly,the tree is bleeding from every root and branch. Still,the girl prince does not cry out. She doesn't yell, but remains disciplined. Her poise doesn't yield, until a chilling sound is brought by the icy wind. It's children screaming. It's the sound of last breathes and children screaming. Kris yields,a poised prince no longer. She can only join them.

Chapter 1  
As the memories recede,Kris realizes its not the tide tickling her toes. Its Jill. She had dozed off again. As per usual,Jill had woken her with a laugh and gentle fingers. Gentle,and a bit mischievious.  
Very mischievous, actually. After all,it wasn't the psychologist who had caused the nightmares to abate. Not entirely,at any rate. There had been a secret ingredient added to the mix. Jill tickled up Kris's pale legs and then unfastened the button to her Jean shorts. Then Jill's tongue found the pink fields underneath. Screams became moans of a deeper,more musical variety. No more bleak winter or bleeding trees. The world was remade by Jill's love. She was a Jewish goddess dressed for softball and playing upon the familiar grass of her favorite field. Waves crash, moans erupt,as the waves of passion run their course.  
"So this is your new thinking beach,huh"?,she asked as the ginger prince tried to preserve her dignity and stifle a giggle. As always,resisting Jill is to no avail. The prince giggles like a 14-year old school girl,Jill congragulates herself by lighting a menthol,magically produced from a faded sports jersey. Pale green crystals ignite as smoke dances through the mint green streak in her otherwise raven black hair.  
"The old one got conquered by frat boys,not much thinking going on there now",came the sleepy reply.  
"I imagine not,but I like this one better anyway". "The other one was too breezy,couldn't ever spark a light".  
"A fair point",Kris conceded, reaching for her own pack of smooth blend. "How was improv"?  
"Good". "I got cast as a squirrel for most of it though".  
"Well I'm sure you were a very sexy squirrel",the prince said with a kiss. Jill leans in,and Kris can't tell beaches from blizzards for a few blissful moments. She just drifts with Jill,suspended in time and space.  
"So what was today's philosophical query"?,Jill asks with a mixture of curiousity and dry wit.  
"A question of environment,I guess".  
"Ah,man vs. nature",she opines in a faux British accent. "Truly,a question for the ages".  
Sinking back into her usual cadence,Jill follows up in the wake of her lover's pensive silence. "Who won the bout"?  
Kris focused more intently, watching smoke seek the water. "I think nature always wins that fight,its just a question of how many rounds it takes".  
"Joe Fraizer can send us the scorecard,Gingerbread". "Let's head home,I ordered take out from that place with the cute delivery girl you'll probably leave me for".  
"Your the one who has a crush on that delivery girl,that's why you keep trying to set me up with her".  
Jill smiles slyly. "I feel like my style of flirtation would scare her off,but if I was your innoccent wing woman..."  
"Your clearly the Maverick of that anology". "Just warn this Goose before the engine goes out on our hopes of free hot wings".  
Jill lets out a mischievious giggle of her own,"fair enough". "You ready to fly"?  
"With you,always". They bail on the beach,and the lost prince forgets her worries amid hot sauce,cheap beer and the usual argument about who was really flirting with the delivery girl.

Kris wakes up to a Jewish valkyrie screaming at the television. Its the most comforting sound on Earth,so far as she was concerned. Granted,the neighbors didn't always agree.  
"Three fucking rounds"! "I paid good money to watch assholes slap each other for the time it takes me to shit out hot wings". "I never made as much per season as those fuckers make for one fight". She falls back into faux British. "Disgrace I say"!  
"That's not true,Lemon Drop. Shitting out these hot wings takes longer then three rounds of boxing". Kris chuckles,and lights Jill a smoke. She relaxes,plopping down next to her prince with a resigned thud.  
"Its just that we could have done something romanticle with that money,now that I think about it". "There's only so much of our permanent off season nesdaq,I want us to enjoy it".  
The "permanent off season". That's how Jill kept referring to her early retirement from baseball. It had been sweaty work,but she loved it. She had even started making some pretty serious Yen in Tokyo,before her knee got slammed. An advertising deal had paid for a vacation to Hawaii that sorta became a move when she met a Polarian tomboy who was just trying to get away from anything that reminded her of the past. She chimed reassuringly,”You don't have to woe me,Jill". "I'd even go so far as to say that I like like you".  
"We're that serious"?,she chuckles. "Because I don't know if I can handle a heavy commitment".  
"Figures,way you were eying the delivery girl",Kris bemoans playfully.  
They share a laugh and then Jill gets pensive.  
"So that question of environment,does it involve where your from"?  
"Yeah".  
"Any chance you could finally tell me where that is"?  
"Already told you all I could,a very cold place,not like here".  
"What,like Canada"?  
She never failed to make Kris laugh. "No,colder then that". "The place I'm from,its gone Lemon Drop". "It just doesn't exist anymore". "I don't want the ghost of a place to haunt what we have here".  
"Its just that we have no secrets".  
"Save one". "But hey,we still have it all over most couples".  
Jill chuckled. “You may not have been born here,but your Hawaiian through and through,always trying to keep it casual”.  
“Aloha”, said the Prince as she dove for a kiss.  
Jill accepted the kiss with zest, before going quiet for a moment.  
“I never know if your saying hello or goodbye”. “I never know if this kiss was the last one”.  
Kris kissed her again. “It’ll never be the last one”.  
“It almost was”! “When I found you last Christmas…” her voice trailed off amid memories of a crimson trail leading to a lovingly decorated Christmas tree.  
“I was fucked in the head,Lemon Drop”. “I got the holiday blues,but that is not on you”.Kris wiped Jill’s eyes gently”. “I’m always saying hello to you,but I've had to say goodbye to a whole world”. “I keep that world behind me,so that I can focus on holding you”. They hugged for many long moments,like tethering to a dream.  
As pensive a puff of menthol as ever woman took later," "I just hope you trust me".,the ballplayer sighed and exhaled as her calm returned.  
"I'm the one with a secret,but you gotta trust me Jill". "There's no good that can come from drugging up the past".  
"Alright,but I am going to start pesturing you about the future"  
"That I can handle". Before Jill can respond,the doorbell rings.  
"We're just pausing",Jill remarks and grabs the door.  
It's their favorite delivery girl,hazel hair tied in a hasty ponytail under her corporate logo imprinted cap.  
“Hey ladies,turns out you were owed another box on that coupon, didn't want you to think I was screwing you”.  
Kris and Jill share a giggle. “Never crossed our minds Hazel”. The Prince said,taking the lead.  
“It's Hannah,but you can call me Hazel”. “I never liked Hannah,to tell ya the truth”.  
“Is there anything else you were asked to like but didn't”? Jill asked.  
“Or maybe something you liked,but were told not to”. Kris chimed.  
“Yes actually”! “I love to surf,but my boyfriend says it's too dangerous”. “I intend to surf anyway,he can just deal”.  
Kris and Jill sighed in unison. “Good for you,follow your bliss”. Kris said,managing to hide her disappointment,mostly.  
“Athletics brought me allot of joy amid the sprains”. Jill put in.  
Kriss takes the box,and the delivery girl,bounces off with pep.  
“Thanks for encouraging me to try something bold”!  
“Well that was certainly our intent”. Jill took a quick puff of her menthol.  
“You ride those waves”! Kriss called out, shutting the door.  
The couple explodes in laughter, nearly choking on the smoke that danced around them. They didn't notice a second delivery of a much heavier parcel. It's carrier was defeated, resolving to try again later. A vigilant observer might have spotted pointed ears under their cap.  
Chapter 2  
Kris’s next dream is also a memory,but a far more pleasant one. She's eating at a Hawaiian dinner,all beach chic. Her face is covered in wing sauce,not that she even noticed before Jill walked up like the Belle of the beach bar,dressed in a blue flower bedecked shirt and sunglasses.  
“Need a napkin miss...? She asked,offering one up.  
“It’s Kris, actually”. “Why would I need a napkin”?  
“Because your covered in wing sauce”. Jill suggested carefully.  
And what if I like being covered in wing sauce”? Kris responded stubbornly.  
“Then let me buy you more wings”,Jill said, without missing a beat.  
Kris thought for a moment. “Alright,you’ve swayed me”.  
Jill chuckled. “Glad to hear it. Where are you from”?  
Kris tenses. “Someplace cold”. There was silence as wings were ordered,and for a while after that”.  
Tentatively,Jill put a hand on her shoulder. “You never have to be cold in Hawaii,Kris”.  
Kris awoke to her dream girl warming up left overs in the kitchen.  
“How's my sleeping beauty”? Jill inquired.  
“More rested then I’ve been in ages,ready to smoke half a pack”.  
Jill smiled,tossing her ginger love a smoke. “Your in such a good mood, maybe I can get away with mentioning how my mother is insisting that I bring you this Christmas”. “I’m all out of excuses, Gingerbread.  
Kris exhales. “I guess I always have trouble digging into your past, knowing that mine is our one secret”.  
“There's an easy way to solve that,you know”,Jill plopped down at the table.  
“No,there really isn't”. Kris inhaled deeply.  
“Come on Kris,how bad can it be”? “Were you in the mob”? “Do lesbians have a mob, and if so,why wasn't I invited”?  
Kris chuckled. The chime of the doorbell seemed to emphasize her laughter,like it was singing backup.  
“We can't possibly be owed another wing box”,Jill mused.  
“Anything's possible when you believe Jill”,the ginger prince responded with her best Orphan Annie.  
“Gingerbread,you have an addiction problem”.  
“Impossible,I'm just not the type”,Kris exhaled smoke as she protested, grabbing the door.  
“Who is it”? Jill asked.  
Kris held up a package wrapped in red snowman paper and tied with an emerald green bow. She just managed to suppress the shake in her hands.  
“Not who,what”.  
It was Jill’s turn to laugh. “That present is about a month early”. “Who's it from”?  
“Doesn't say,but it's addressed to both of us”.  
“Quite the mystery,Jill opined in faux British mode. “Shall we solve it”?  
Kris sighed. “Maybe we should”.  
Jill needed no further encouragement, grabbing the box like an excited child.  
“What”? Jill asked to Kris's look of surprise. “No time like the present...for a present”.  
Kris exhaled deeply,smoke drifting through the apartment like an errant cloud. “My father would disagree,but I was always the rebel of the family”.  
Suddenly,Jill paused. “That's the first time you've talked about your family”. “I wanna know you,Kris”. “I wanna know everything about you,with all my heart”. She set the package down on the table. “But I won't force it”.  
They sat in silence for a moment. Kris ended the silence. “It's addressed to both of us, let's open it together”.  
“Ok”,Jill breathed. They each approached the present like a buried treasure, and slowly began their excavation. Bright paper and pieces of bow were chisled off, falling to the floor.  
The present was the world. Or rather,the world as Kris had once known it. The snow globe had a complete model of a gingerbread bakery,along with elves and reindeer in aprons. A Christmas angel was nearest the o en,flanked by an elf and a modern snowboarder. All three girls smiled broadly.

Kris gasped and the memories came in a torrent.  
A snow globe had sat on the window sill,next to the oven. Mother had promised,so two insistent little girls were  
getting their wish. That wish involving copious amounts of gingerbread cookies.  
Mother's bright red hair looked so radiant,not tangled like her daughter's. Kris had always wandered how she pulled that off. It didn't seem like mother was ever trying to look regal. She simply was, natural as breathing. Her green dress covered in a gingerbread apron,she set about teaching both Kris and Aurora how to measure for baking. Aurora poured carefully, pausing to regard the Queen. “I'm wearing a green dress today,just like you”!  
“And you look beautiful, Aurora”. The regal Genevra remarked. “I think it looks much better on you then me”. The elven princess beamed. “Doesn't Aurora look nice,Kris”?  
“Uh huh”,Kris said it through mouthfuls of chocolate chips,her face smeared with sugary sauce.  
“Kris,we aren't even making chocolate chip cookies”,The Queen admonished.  
“Oh”. The girl prince paused. “What are we making”?  
“Gingerbread men silly”! Aurora chimed.  
Kris shrugged. “Do you wanna add chocolate chips”? She extended the bag.  
“That's not exactly in the recipe, mother replied.  
Aurora was ever the little helper. “Maybe we could change the recipe,like when we make ginger elves and ginger girls”.  
“I suppose we could” Genevra sighed. “Kris,wash your face please”. Suddenly,Genevra coughed,heaving and dry.  
“Miss Clause”! Aurora exclaimed.  
“Mom,are you ok”? Kris was worried.  
The Queen was all confidence. “Of course children, don't make a fuss”. “We have baking to do”! Smiles resumed,tears being so many years away.  
“Kris,you ok”? Jill pulled her girl from the past.  
“Yeah, it's just a bit stunning”.  
“I'll say”,Jill whistled. This looks like an expensive custom job,very fancy”. “Do you know who it's from”?  
“I can guess”,Kris said with a smile.  
“Well let's find a place to display this before we turn in”. “You can tell me all about it tomorrow”.  
“Sounds good”,Kris replied. “Can we order hot wings again tomorrow”?  
Jill chuckled. “If your a good girl”.  
Kris smiled wryily,going for a kiss,”Do I have to be good the whole night”?

Its not the couple's favorite hot wing delivery girl,but it is a stunningly attractive woman. Blonde hair and blue eyes,hourglass figure. Basically,the kind of woman that pisses other girls off just by existing. The kind they claim can't be human. The kind that the phrase,"land mermaid" was invented to describe. Well,they're right about the first bit,and not far off with the second,at least in this case. She's an elf. The red\green hoodie hides her pointed ears,but even if Kris didn't already know her,you cant fool a Polarian brat,not when it comes to detecting Elven grace. They're rather dedicated to that course of study. Besides,they would have tagged this one as mythical at the airport,but for the paradox that won't allow normal humans to acknowlege the existence of such a being.  
She smiles nervously,"Hey Kris”.  
“Aloha” responded the Prince nervously,visions of an angry girlfriend already dancing in her head.  
“So I was in the area,just decided to drop by”.  
"I find that unlikely,but you better come aside",Kris said quickly but with no creulty.  
Jill lights another smoke. "Kris,what's your friend's name"? "My girl keeps her cool",thought Kris. All things considered,Jill was the picture of calm. Elves can be intimidating if your one of us poor sap humans,what with our tendency to have,you know,flaws.  
"Her name's Aurora,she's an old buddy from my days in the Red Cross".,Kris shut the door and locked it.  
"Oh really,that's cool". "Where were you guys sent"? Jill's air is casual,least as much as it can be.  
Aurora sits with the dignified air of an heir,not to put too fine a point on it. "We stayed near the usual stomping grounds actually". "Our home was in crisis". The elf gives Kris a stern look,"It still is".  
Jill takes a puff or five. "Alright kids,your gonna have to give up the secret here,if people from Wherever-the-Fuck are gonna be stopping by this apartment.  
Aurora stands,haughty and stern. "How dare you"! Ever the diplomat,the elf stops herself pre-tirade,resuming calm on a dime. "Forgive me,Miss Jill for barging into your home like this". "However, you must understand that our homeland is a sacred and special place,". "It most certainly is not just wherever-the fuck".  
"I made up that name because you've given me nothing else to call it." Jill crosses her arms,but keeps smoking. "I wanna know where this place is,and don't tell me its Canada". "I already know its not Canada". "And how do you know my name"?  
The elf adopts a scholarly tone. "I'm quite fascinated by this social media that I heard so much about". "Frankly,its like we know each other already".  
"I don't appreciate being cyber stalked by a stranger who's probably my girlfriend's ex"!  
"You misunderstand. I'm his ex fiance. We're practically family".  
Jill couldn't be more deadpan. "I feel so much better".  
An excited Aurora shows off her internet profile. She has 2,000 friends,and its maybe a month old. "Its a great way to keep in touch with your subjects".  
Jill scoffs. "You do mean friends,right"?  
"Yes,of course",the elf agrees hastily.  
"So you two almost got married"?  
"It was political lemon drop",Kris is quick to point out. Maybe too quick for a certain pointy eared visitor,who's eyes go crestfallen for a brief moment. The prince doesn't notice so focused is she on her favorite softball player.  
Finally, Kris just drops the big one,with a heavy sigh. "I'm from the Arctic Jill". "She's an elf,and she's here because my dad is...was Santa Clause".  
Aurora tries to interject,but it comes out a whisper."That's not why I..."  
Jill is understandably surprised. Kris could tell,because she stopped smoking for a second. She shotguns two beers before anyone speaks again. Aurora breaks the silence with a diplomatic request.  
"Can I have one of those"?  
Jill grabs a beer. "Can I see the ears"?  
Aurora drops the hoodie,and there they are. Pointed and elegant. Jill yanks hard on the left one.  
"Ouch"!,"That hurts"! exclaims the elf.  
"Sorry,I had to be sure". Jill apoligizes by handing Aurora the beer.  
Elf and athlete sip beer. Not knowing what else to do,kris pops open a brew and join them. Its Jill who breaks the silence,as always.  
"So I guess we'll have to celebrate Christmas and Hanukah".  
Pointed ears perk up. "I think a joint celebration could be very charming". "Imagine everything you could do in terms of decorating".  
For the lost prince,this was surreal. Kris wasn't duplicitous, but she had made certain life decisions based on the assumption that these two women would never be in the same hemisphere,let alone the same room. There's an old saying about assumptions.  
Elf and ballplayer talk for an hour before Jill asks the big questions.  
So your dad passed away"?  
"About three years ago",Kris said quietly. "It was political revolution. The elves felt it was time to fight the power,so they killed a portly old man along with his entire family". "While they were at it,they made sure not to leave a single man, woman or child that wasn't in a cancer black robe alive". "They didn't want the players to think elves were soft".  
Aurora is gentle in her correction. "It wasn't all elves,and it wasn't the entire family".  
"Yeah well,that was certainly the intent".  
Jill is uncharacteristically solemn. "I'm sorry Kris".  
"It was years ago now",is all Kris can manage in response. She mumbles something about going for a drive,but passes out in the back seat of the car. Its probably for the best that Jill had taken the keys.  
Kris awoke to find Aurora in the driver’s seat. “We going somewhere”?  
“Back to the Arctic,If you don’t mind terribly” the elf's tone was polite as usual.  
“Uh,it’s a long drive and it’s cold there this time of year”.  
“It’s cold there every time of year”.  
“All the more reason to stay parked”.  
“That exactly what you've been doing for 3 years,staying parked”.  
“Maybe I like the view”.  
“You like the girl,a prime example of your fetish for Jewish Comediannes”.  
Kris lit her morning smoke. “I also have a fetish for Elven princesses,if that makes you feel better”.  
Aurora laughed,in spite of herself. That was Kris all over,a collection of bad habits sprinkled with charm.  
“Why didn’t you write,at the very least”? “Did you not miss me at all”?  
“I missed you every day I woke up,but writing would have just reminded me how much we'd lost,how much I missed everything and everyone else”. “You were always the one who had shit figured out,so I knew you’d be ok”.  
“I wasn’t ok,Kris”. “I was scared,heartbroken and alone”.  
“I’m sorry,but I wouldn’t have been much comfort”. “Aren’t you glad you dodged that wedding”? Kris tried to laugh,but a long silence ensued.  
“I like her,you know” said the elf fornlornly.  
“Jill”?  
“Yes,I find her quite fetching”. “I don’t even want to like her,but I do”.  
“She’s better then I deserve,but so are you”.  
“You’re still a cad”.  
“Of this I am keenly aware”.  
“Good,now come with me to get our home back”.  
“Even if I thought marching to war on the frozen plains was a good idea,I would crown you to lead our people”. “So lead them now,lead them away from bloodshed”. “They can be the first generation of Arcticans to die someplace warm”.  
The elf's face was tear stricken. “And towards what Kris”? “A life of hiding and shame”?  
“Better then no life at all”.  
“I don’t believe that,and neither did your father”.  
“Assuming I agree to this,do you have a plan”?  
“I’m forming one,and a team to go with it”.  
Kris took a long puff. “Alright well, I need my princely sleep if we’re going on a crusade”.  
They hugged and Aurora left the car with a big smile. Kris drifted off to sleep,wondering how in frozen hell the princess had won that argument.  
Chapter 2  
Kris awoke for a second time to find that the old sleigh was moving. This time,Jill was in the driver's seat. Aurora was riding shotgun. "magic hour" was setting in out the window.  
"Am I being kidnapped"? The prince asked.  
"Yes,but we got you a cheeseburger and a pack of smokes".  
"Its a most delightful abduction"! chimed the excited elf from the passenger side.  
"Sure,I'll go with it". Jill tosses Kris a messily wrapped burger with her trademark throwing arm. The smokes fly in right after. Kris inhales some of both,and leans back.  
"Do I get to know where we're going"?  
"Your Elven ex needs to meet her bodyguards at that club we like,which is a sentence I never thought I'd say".  
"Aurora,why would your bodyguard bail on you"? Kris asked through a mouthful of cheeseburger.  
"She didn't,it was per my instructions". "I didn't want you to feel intimidated".  
'You mean more then usual"?  
The elf doesn't skip a beat,"Yes,exactly"!  
The Palm Tree wasn't the most creative name for a Haiwaian club. Kris had often joked privately to herself that its companion up North would be called The Snow Drift. Moniker aside,the place was relaxed,and the drink specials were great. Two dollar wells by any other name,would get you just as buzzed. The club was larger then their apartment,but still had that dance joint feeling of claustrophobia. Despite the lights and electronica,it was hard for any member of the company to feel like dancing.  
Jill and Kris immediatly start scanning the bar for some kinda secret service looking suits,only to watch Aurora head right for a green dye job with a four leaf clover tattooed on her stomach,exposed by a black\green belly shirt. Next to that one woman Celt circle stood a grizzled old man wearing exactly the blue suit they'd expected to see, but with more lines etched in his face then a mountaintop,like erosion had been working on him for a long time. Flanking his other side was a chocolate skinned woman in khaki,head to toe. Two others were a bit more off to the side. A pair of blonde twins,each with the poise of a fashion model. They wore matching white dress shirts,but different color slacks and ties. Like newly born babes,the siblings denoted their gender with the color. The girl's was light pink,the boy's was an equally pale blue. They looked young enough to be in high school.  
Jill muttered under her breath,"Damn,Irish girl looks like Saint Patrick fucked a leprauchan".  
"While drinking green ale".,Kris responded. “And the other looks like mom was a kangaroo”. "But hey,the results are kinda cute". “Those other two sure got style, maybe we can talk tuxes”.  
"I refuse to turn green with jealousy,but nice try".  
Aurora escorts the party to a corner table and makes introductions like she was throwing a dinner party.  
"This is Ireland Kinkade and her partner Mason Cole,my bodyguards". “This is my wheelgirl, copter girl and wing girl, Australia Montgomery. “The other two are Hansel and Gretel Loveykin,my loyal squires you might say”. Valued subjects, meet Kris and Jill". Mason nods,his piercing blue eyes managing to look alert and weary at the same time. Australia tipped her Outback hat,a plume of smoke rising from her cigar.  
“If this was Europe,we'd be knighted by now” Hansel said with a smirk.  
“We'd also be able to order a drink” Gretel responded as she lite a fresh smoke. The siblings passed it between them.  
“I'm with the pouchlings on this one”, Australia threw in. “Yanks don't know when to put their foot on the gas”.  
“You exhaust them,much like you exhaust me”,Mason chuckled dryly.  
“Bet I could have you feeling young again,if you would just trust me with the stick,mate”. Australia blew out a smoke ring.  
“Not doubting your pilot skills, just aware of my own rust” Mason chuckled again.  
“Sorry my lovelies,but you’ll have to indulge the repressed Yanks while we're here”. Aurora reminded them,not for the first time.  
“Yank repression annoys us too,so you aren't alone there” Kris chimed.  
“Old enough for a smoke but not an ale”. Gretel threw up her hands. “It simply makes no sense”. “I can risk cancer,but not liver disease”?  
Hansel chuckled, taking his turn with the cig. “Americans have many bad habits,dear sister,but they do take great care in selecting how they will die”.  
“Dear brother,it's not reasonable to think that the Reaper takes requests”.  
Ireland shrugged. “Since when have the bloody Yanks ever been reasonable”? She then turned to Kris, mischief in her eyes.  
"So your my lovely's old beau,eh"? The lass puffs absently on a black clove. "Can't decide between the Elf or the Jew"? She extends her arms like she's balancing a scale. "Tough call I guess".  
“Bloody hell, Ireland, but you always insist on pouring the kerosene”, Australia smiled.  
Kris just casually ribs her right back. "I was hoping for a Jewish elf,but that's rare as a sober Irishman on Saint Patrick's Day".  
Ireland just laughs. "I like you Kris,your not half bad". "Let's get a buzz going,wake up in compromising positions".  
"We shouldn't drink too much when we're on a job",cautioned Mason as he slowly adjusted his tie again. But the aged suit was just in the wrong room for caution.  
Jill falls into her faux British. "sounds like a plan there Shamrock"! "One can't live on tea and crumpits"!  
"Kris you didn't tell me that this Hebrew siren made fun of the British".  
"We did just meet,despite our instant bond of fellowship". Kris deadpanned.  
"Too true ". Ireland slapped Kris on the playfully on the shoulder.  
“If your a Catholic,I'm a kanga” Muttered Australia from under her brim.  
“I'm the vision of Saint Mary,though I might just be willing to Sully myself with our Hebrew siren here”.  
"One shot at a time Shamrock",Jill said in her usual dry cadence,served with a splash of wit.  
"Well said Jill"! Aurora chimed in with glasses in hand.  
"What enchantment did you cast to get drinks that fast at happy hour'? Kris asks incredulously.  
"I didn't use any such magic". "I just told the boys at the bar that we were in a hurry,and they gave me their drinks". "It was very considerate of them".  
"That spell's older then I am",remarked Mason as he decided to give into peer pressure and order a beer for himself.  
"Magic is in the eye of the beholder,my lovlies"! Ireland slams a shot back and its actually an hour or two before the party stops, well,partying. Except for Mason,who seemed to make one beer last forever.  
But the old suit wasn't the only professional present. In full buzz,Aurora still manages to detail the reason for her journey into the tropics,the dance beat seems to surrender to her melodic voice.  
"As Kris can tell you,numerous Articans were displaced when the Screaming Night happened and the Clause line was betrayed by an Elven sect calling themselves the True Elves".  
"Why did they betray Santa Clause,of all people".  
"Because they're Elven Nazis,Lemon Drop",Kris's tone is just a little too serious to be sattirical.  
Aurora just nods in agreement. "Yes,they are much like the human Adolf Hittler. They believe elves are a superior race and that its the gravest of insults for them to have been lead by the descendants of a mortal toy maker".  
"So why'd they go out to the North Pole in the first place"?,asked Jill.  
"Historical precedent". "Long ago,elves chose to live isolated from humans,but discovery was inevitable". "Tribal elders decided to choose a human as a kind of diplomat monarch,someone who could present the elven community to mortals without instantly being percieved as a threat".  
Kris interjected. "My ancestor just stumbled into the job really". "Joseph Kringle was a daring explorer who had dreams of climbing every mountain,charting every dangerous place". "He also had a younger brother who followed him everywhere,seemingly with no great ambitions". "When left to his own devices,he made toys for sad children". "He also read every book he could find,that he might become a writer worthy to chronicle the grand adventures of his brother". "That was Nicholas,who would be crowned a King among toy makers".  
Aurora recites her next words as a litany. "Saint Nick's heart was true,a compass that lead him to choose the First Mortals of the Arctic,that human and elf might prosper as one".  
"Or the elves found Nick less threatening then brother Joe,and granted him human colonists to occupy his time,so that he'd mostly stay out of Elven affairs". "colonists who were exactly the kind of desperate people you'd expect to find treking towards a frozen wilderness,eager to live on candy canes and dreams".  
Aurora scowled at Kris's interpretation,but didn't comment. "The Toymaker King brokered a treaty between the Arctic Kingdom and the nations of the world. "The secrets of Elves and their Gnomish cousins were kept,in exchange for the gifts they gave humanity".  
"There are fucking Gnomes too"? "Who am I kiding"? "Of course there are fucking Gnomes". Jill gulped down a shot. "So what were the gifts"?  
Kris was almost proud as she answered. "North Pole tech,Lemon Drop". "From electricity to AC,the Arctic tech firm slowly gave humans the modern age,wrapped in bright paper and with a bow on it". Kris soured. "That is,until humans finally made the naughty list with the atomic bomb"'.  
Aurora's voice was solemn. "Diplomatic relations were hard to restablish after that". "No more presents,no more Christmas,so far as much of the world was concerned". "Humans might have invaded the Pole if war had not already ravaged them". "The Arctic Kingdom was content to vanish into obscurity until Kris's father opened up dialogues again".  
"Much good it did him". Kris downed a couple of shots.  
Aurora perserveres. "It was a resounding success,that's why the self-appointed True Elves was so extreme in their reaction". "I have exiled Articans eager to return home". "They don't belong here,and they know it". "They're Arcticans born,most of them". "Some Elves are so desperate to escape the new regime that they've risked violating treaties and moved to that place humans used to make the Tolkien movies,New Zealand".  
"Christ,how are they getting by"? Jill and Kris seem to ask in unison.  
"Surprisingly well". Apparently some mortals wear elf ears every day to show some kind of religious devotion". "Its good cover".  
Kris takes a breath. "So what are you suggesting"? Move everybody to NZ,maybe find an island chain without any people"?  
Aurora goes stern. "I'm not suggesting anything". "I'm taking our people home,all of them".  
Kris is calm,but wary. "The True Elves will have something to say about that".  
Lightning reflects in Aurora's eyes. "For three years,these pointed ears have heard nothing but the cries of our people". "I am deaf to the demands of tyrants".  
...  
Everyone else was back to partying,and Jill was attempting the "One for every palm tree challenge" when Aurora pulled up to a pensive Kris.  
"I know I came in like an arctic breeze,but I really need your help here".  
"I broke contact just as abruptly,so I can't throw snowballs there".  
"I wasn't exactly shocked to find you vacationing with a hot Jewish tomboy,or to find you had been helping Polarians through imigration".  
"I do what I can,but your right". "They don't belong here,and no amount of paperwork can change that".  
"And where do you belong,Kris"?  
"Never known,never will". "I love Jill,Aurora". Its not a where for me anymore,its a who".  
"We had that once".  
"I won't lie to you,I have my reservations about how our engagment was arranged". "Maybe I even resented you for it".  
"Was that all you felt"?  
"No,but who are we kidding"? "I'm a Kringle cad,and I would happily make myself the creme between you and Jill,best Oreo imaginable". "But my desire for that situation doesn't make it fair for either of you".  
"Everyone talks about Oreos here". "Are they some kind of divine relic"?  
Kris chuckled. "Yeah,pretty much". They were silent for a moment.  
"I suppose an elf can forgive an indulgant fantasy,if anyone can",Aurora remarked.  
"Thanks".  
"Can I count on you,for Arctica"?  
"I'm in,just need to drop Jill off before Jockroy".  
"Of course,the last thing I want is to be responsible for dragging that fetching woman out into the frozen wastes".  
"Fetching again,huh"?  
"I said I could forgive your indulgant fantasy". "But elves invented queerness,so I'm sure you'll forgive mine as well". The princess smiled slyly.

Chapter 3  
The drive to the airport is quiet. Or at least,it would have been,if not for Ireland's decision to regale the company will tales of her adventures with an "Irish pride group". "Of all the crazies Aurora could have picked for a bodyguard",thought Kris. Ireland puffed on a clove while talking about how hard it had been to "pick up some friends" from a "rowdy party",seeing as there had been "heavy traffic". Aurora occassionally asked for more detail,but the other humans didn't wanna probe too much. Australia focused on driving, catching every turn with pinpoint precision, timing herself by stop watch. When Kris and Jill asked why,she simply said,”Practicing”. Kris turned her attention back to Ireland when she mentioned doing guard duty for the NZ Arcticans,where she and Mason met Aurora. For fugitives,they seemed to be doing ok. "I've always said there's nothing wrong with being a fugitive",Ireland said reassuringly. "That's how we met”interjected Mason. The exchange was intended to comfort the rest of the rest of the company,but had the opposite effect.  
"Kris, I want to help,I do. I'm Jewish,I fucking hate Nazis and I don't wanna come off like a miser". "But I'm not sure we can afford this",Jill said with trepidation.  
"Oh don't worry"! Aurora chimed in her more standard and cheerful cadence,"Turns out the Gnomes were keeping a seperate treasury". "I have their permission to use those resources,within reason of course".  
"Did you explain that humans don't take gem stones over the counter"?,Kris asked.  
"It took some doing,but they converted a large portion to British pounds". "How do you think I got here"?  
"Why not US dollars"?,asked Jill.  
"Because gnomes watch the market more intently then Greenspan ever did" Kris remarked.  
As always,the elf didn't skip a beat. "Yes,exactly"!  
Jill sparked a menthol,which caught Ireland's interest.  
"Can I try one,lass"? "I always fancied the green smokables".  
Jill exhaled the first puff and handed it over. "Just don't get the wrong idea,Shamrock".  
"Wouldn't dream of it,love" came the cheerful response.  
Jill lit a replacement. "So do I get to know where we're going"?  
"I'd like to touch base with NZ,gather intel and pick up some things from old Reginald Silverstone",Aurora said with that diplomatic mix of kindness and authority.  
"Those are some sound objectives mam"chimed Mason.  
"Regy made it to NZ"! Kris exclaimed.  
"By a conveyance that he will only describe as undignified,but yes".  
“He should have just flown with me,by whirly”. Insisted Australia,bemused.  
"Dignity intact or not,I'm just glad the old gnome is well". Kris chimed happily.  
Jill just shrugged"Guess we're off to New Zealand to meet a gnome". "Why the hell not"?  
Ireland was relieved. "Thank the sweet Lord Jesus". "I left most of my guns back there". She wiped her brow. Mason loaned her a napkin from his pocket,so she could get the persperation outta her eyes. "I was really sweating how to solve that wee problem if you catch my drift". Ireland crosses herself. Kris and Jill follow suit.  
...  
"Its just not a sleigh ride".,Kris bemoaned.  
"I realize that Gingerbread,but it is a first class ticket,we should try to enjoy it".  
"I'd enjoy it more with hot wings".  
Jill laughs. “So would I". "Frankly,I'm sitting in this rediculously comfortable seat wondering what asshole banned smoking on flights". "Fuck it Kris,we're just not classy bitches".  
"I like us that way".  
"Me too".  
There's a content silence before Jill decides not to put things off.  
"So there's an elephant on this plane".  
"We use polar bear".  
"What"?  
"Arcticans have roughly the same expression,except we say there's a polar bear in the room".  
"That's very interesting Kris,I'm on a voyage of discovery with you these past couple of days". "But I'm gonna be a girl and mention that the discovery I find most intrieguing is the ex fiance who paid for the non-smoking seats we now sit in".  
"That's fair". "I hid a past life from you,and I get that". "But I couldn't find a way of explaining that you could have believed". "And when some opportunities finally presented themselves,I told myself that if It hadn't been important up to then,maybe it never would be".  
"We're now part of a revolution trying to overthrow Elven Nazis,Kris". "I think it became important".  
"It would seem so".  
"Did you love her"?  
"Your speaking of the elf a few rows back"?  
"No,I'm finally asking the Anne Hathaway question". "Yes Kris,I'm speaking of the real life Elven princess who paid for our tickets with Gnome gold".  
"Their economy is based on gemstones actually..."  
"Gingerbread,I will throw you outta this plane and you are not a flying reindeer".  
Kris thinks for a moment before answering. "Its just that Arctican customs can be very different from what your used to". "That's especially true when it comes to romance".  
"You were National Geographic a few minutes ago". "Lay it on me".  
"Arcticans believe that all love is destined,and thus should be pre-arranged". The custom maintains that if we know our romantic fate,then there's no reason to deal with complications like dating or divorce. "Tribal elders and the Clause royals made all matches". "That was it".  
"No seperations,ever"?  
"Its always till death do you part,that's why abusers were executed". "Its the only way to legally seperate a married couple,under the old law of the Artican Kingdom.  
"So if you two had actually tied the knot"...  
"To the Artican mind,that doesn't matter,its destined". "All else is confirmation of fate".  
"So they arranged a lesbian marriage"?  
"Not how the tribal elders or the other humans saw it". "I'm technically a boy under Artican law". "Dad needed to secure the succession and cement relations with the elves,so some tailoring was done to the papers". "Presto Chango,the bloodline was back on its assumed course and I was crown prince". "Dad was never shy about helping destiny along,and I certainly acted boyish enough for a monarch in need of a son". "He even comissioned gnomes to build something that would allow Aurora and I to produce an heir". "The man thought ahead,whatever else people might say about him". "I think mom may have whispered that the role would fit me". "The whispers of Genevra Clause had a way of being heard". "She might have been able to cool things down with the elves,if she hadn't gotten sick".  
Jill reflects. "My mom wanted me to marry this doctor named Thomas once. She was pretty sure it was destiny.  
Kris laughed. "Then you can see my predicament".  
"Yes,but you didn't answer my original question,did you love her"?  
"Can two people who have never known any other possibility love each other"? "I don't know". "I know the political goal was to solidify the bond between the Clause line and the elves". "Truth is, I'll never know how I would have felt meeting Aurora on the streets of Honolulu". "But I am quite certain about how I felt about meeting you in a palm laden queer bar".  
“You had hot wing sauce all over your face".  
“Part of my charm, clearly".  
Jill Laughed. Kris looked into those soft,grey eyes. "I would eat hot wings with you for the rest of my life,fates be damned".  
The lovers kiss,and the young prince grows more solemn.  
"Jill,you should wait in New Zealand once we get there". "I can't dodge my responsibility ,gotta see this through". "But there's no reason for you to be put in danger". "If something happens,at least you can start over with that cute delivery girl",Kris goes for some levity,but Jill is serious.  
"I will go with you into the cold,because without you it would be cold anyway". They hold each other for a long time,saying nothing.

...  
Kris was asleep when the elven princess approached Jill with a broad smile,handing her a red ribbon,and beckoning for Jill to follow her a few rows back. Jill shrugs,figuring her crazy meter was full anyway,and follows.  
"What's this"? Jill asked as she wrapped the ribbon around her pinky finger.  
"Its a courting ribbon"! said Aurora excitedly. "Kris gave me one just like it once".  
"Just because she gave you a ribbon years ago...".  
"You misunderstand,Jill interrupted. "The ribbon is for you". "I'm declaring my desire to court you,Jill Fienburg". "From this moment on,I shall make every effort to woo you".  
Jill blinked. "Say what now"?  
"Its just silly and complex for you and I to fight over Kris when I'm clearly an excellent partner for both of you". "I merely have to convince you of that". "I've made everything so simple,isn't that fantastic"?  
Jill blinked again. "Sugar Drop,your very sweet". "But I think elves and humans have different ideas about the word "simple",if you don't mind my saying".  
"It only seems daunting because you assume I'm unfamilliar with human courtship rituals". "You'll be relieved to know that I've watched every Meg Ryan movie,and I have memorized half of the Julia Roberts catalog".  
"Get through the other half,then we'll talk".  
"Consider it done". "Your about to have a courtship experience like you've never had before".  
"Well,I'm sure that's true". "Look,take your shot I guess". "Just try not to plan any more wars or weddings for the next 24 hours,deal”?  
"We have an accord".  
"Great,I'm going to sleep now,mostly because I wanna know if this is all just a trippy hallucination".  
"Rest well,dear Jill".  
Jill sighed. "Make sure to see Mystic Pizza,it gets overlooked". "And you should totally watch Imagine Me and You if your gonna propose to other girls on international flights". With that,Jill went back to her seat,ribbon wrapped tightly around her finger.  
Chapter 4  
Despite all the hubub about the vast New Zealand wilderness,Wellington was a thriving metropolis. Coffee shops,hotels and wi-fi. Aurora checked all her profiles right away,her subjects had been missing her. Jill did valuable research,figuring out which brand of smokes was closest to her favorite back home. Mason filed the same inquiry,before assuming his usual quiet composure,folowing Ireland as she shadowed their protectee. Kris tagged along with the two busy ladies,letting them lead. Ireland was always just behind the princess,casual and yet observant. The twins brought up the rear,appearing more like vacationing teens then the hardened soldiers they were. Only their eyes revealed the truth. For CA moment,Aurora allowed herself to imagine that they were all just going to the beach,not preparing for war. She refocused as they headed to the enclave.  
New Zealand does have some wilderness left,and that's where the colony of Artican ex-pats was located. It was a strategic decision to place it there. Security just couldn't be guarunteed in the middle of a bustling cityscape,not for this crowd.  
Elves everywhere,some with pointed ears in full view. Granted,the clothing was considerably more modern then the sagas would suggest. Kris also noticed that a large number of them had chosen to dress in red,white and green. The colors of the Artican flag. And then Kris saw him,alive and free. His grey beard taller then himself and his pointed ears under a velvet green cap. Reginald Lorestone smiled broadly and bowed. "My prince it fills this old heart with joy to see you again". "And Princess Aurora,back safe"! "I may perish from joy"!  
"Regi, I can't believe it"! "I never thought I'd see you again"! Oh don't bow,please"!  
"please young sire,that nickname isn't very dignified".  
"Niether is this”,Kris grabbed the old gnome in a bear hug.  
Jill bounced ahead,as Ireland and Mason walked up from behind Aurora.  
Reginald smiled again. "Our noble guardians return,bringing the princess with her". "Can't ask for more,you simply can't". Ireland gave a salute,feeling like a real soldier for the first time in years. Mason just nodded. The old gnome notices Jill. "And who is this lovely lady"?  
"She's my girlfriend,Reginald,my wife if we survive this trip". Jill beamed under a cloud of smoke. "Her name is Jill Feinburg".  
The old gnome eyed Aurora for a moment before regaining his composure.  
"I suppose being the future King does have its privaleges". "You ladies might be interested to know that Kris isn't the first Clause to wed two brides". That distinction belongs to Nicholas V; who was quite the charmer,even by Clause standards,though this old gnome thinks our Kris has him beat and I'm sure you'll both agree..."  
"Indeed Reginald,too charming for his own good sometimes",interrupted Aurora.  
"Yeah,what she said",agreed Jill.  
"Ladies that is the very peril of the Clause crown,passed down through the ages",the gnome said,defending his liege best he was able.  
"Yeah,listen to Regi”. "He's a very wise and learned Scholar",complemented Kris.  
"My prince is too kind",beamed the old gnome.  
The company laughs,and then Kris sees something that makes the prince weep. Charging towards the sound of a familiar laugh,came Crash the riendeer. Crash licked Kris's tears dry and there were many.  
Reginald smiles. "they kept saying Crash was a goner,but I knew that a riendeer like him couldn't fall to a colision". "He simply had too much experience with that problem to have not devised solutions".  
"Can't keep an old dog down",agreed Mason as he sparked up a long cylinder.  
Riendeer and prince reunited,it seemed like anything was possible. So it was with glad hearts that the company filed into a Wellington pub an hour later, in response to a message Aurora had recieved about some key intel. The message didn't seem ominous at first,but not all bad omens are immediatly apparent.  
Chapter 4  
Reginald and Crash stayed behind,but the rest of the party filed into the pub and ordered drinks. Australia ordered a drink and then took it back to the car,smirking as she left. Aurora warned her to keep the old sleigh ready. Kris thought the name of the simultaneousy more spacious and more intimant pub was quite inviting,Smoke on It. The bartender was attentive to everyone,if a bit extra kind to Aurora. Leaning back,the company took the advice imparted by the sign over the door. None of the assembled ruffians ever missed a chance to smoke. For them,minor addictions weren't a malady,they were a salve. Maybe even a medicine. Normal people saw the reaper as they read the surgeon general's warning on a pack of smokes. But those assembled were warriors with addictive personalities,designed to live hard and fast,for the reaper was their constant companion,not a distant cloud. They weren't choosing between smoking or not smoking. They were choosing between smoking or shooting heroin with their hair on fire. A quiet roll of tobacco and a cold beer was the closest thing to a "healthy lifestyle" that they would ever know,for better or worse. Amid the relative calm,Kris noticed a dart board on a far wall,real darts and everything. Jill and her hadn't played in weeks. Kris admired the darts like she was inspecting a fine wine. No cheap plastic or felt tips. They were masterworks. And then Ireland tensed,equal parts anger and exhileration,as a tall and muscular latino dressed entirely in black and carrying a heavy briefcase entered the bar. He smiled broadly,as if to offset her hostility. It was the smile of a latin hearthrob. It still didn't work.  
"You bloody bastard,this had best not be another of your schemes"! "You left my Irish ass twisting to save your own hide"!  
The latin in black responded,"Perhaps not so loud senorrita,we wouldn't wanna disturb any of these fine patrons or bring others into our personal affairs". "Anyway,your ass always did look good while twisting". "Hola,Senor Mason"! the bandit charmer called to the suit.  
"Hi,Alejandro”,Mason replied without the slightest bit of surprise in his voice.  
"It is a pleasure to see you when I am not being chased".  
"I'm too damn old to be chasing you across a fenceline,I'm retired now".  
"But I will chase your latin ass to the ends of the Earth,if you don't send me my share of that job,post haste"! interrupted the angry Celt.  
"Mason,can I still get protective custody"?  
"Sorry Alejandro,but I am retired".

Ireland berrated herself for getting her ire up,but Alejandro Mendez was the last person she had expected to see. She wasn't proud of her days as a hired gun,but the prospect of a mission that could pay her retirement had been tempting,even if that mission was actually a bank robbery. Mendez had been a source of other temptations as well,damn his perfect smile and doe brown eyes.  
Already three shots of tequilla in, Alejandro started pleading his case like a man who had done exactly that many times before.  
"Senorrita, I'm sure you can see that a getaway driver who fails to getaway himself is really no good to anyone else". "Besides,I made sure that most of the increminating evidence was in the car with me before I pulled away". He smiled again. "De nada".  
Ireland blew smoke in his face,which only caused the hearthrob to smile more broadly.  
Aurora cut in. "Do you have something useful for us,Mr. Mendez"?  
"Princess,I've got the jackpot". "Or rather,your enemies do, and I can show you what those coins are worth".  
"You know allot for a thief with no ties to the Arctic".  
"I make it my business to know,ignorance is just as deadly to thieves as everyone else". The pointy eared Nazis made it easier when they started hiring mercenaries and paying them the big dinero". "There's more military bases in Antartica right now then anywhere else on Earth,with ten flags between them". "The elves can keep their secrets from warm-hearted civilians,but find that task much more challenging where the more cold-blooded portion of our species is concerned". "How long will they content themselves with science projects"? "You may find all sorts of surprises when you land back in Fort Jockroy".  
"And how do we know you aren't one of these mercenaries,a nasty surprise wrapped with a bow"? asked Aurora.  
"Because your enemy is a group of supremacists and I'm a dirty brown human who barely rates a supreme burrito to their minds”. “To put it bluntly,they hate spics and dykes”. Alejandro smiled at his own logic.  
Kris almost chuckled. “He's got a point”. “He's so dirty,he shoots the moon”. “He must be clean”.

“Ain't that the bloody truth" puffed Ireland. Mason stayed quiet,but moved his focus towards the entrance of the bar for a moment. The twins were enjoying the bar, but kept their hands close to their Fort pistols, just in case. The bar owner hadn't asked about the calvery saber at Hansel's hip. He probably assumed it was ceremonial, maybe for historical reenactment.  
Alejandro crossed his heart. "I swear on my strict Catholic upbringing that I am here honestly". “Well, except for the thieving”.  
“Give him a chance”! Hansel called from the bar”. Alejandro nodded and smiled.  
“If he's lying,we can always kill him later”. Gretel agreed. Alejandro frowned.  
Aurora sighs. "Alright Mr. Mendez,what's in the case"?  
Alejandro smiles and passes the case around the table.  
The gun is a sci-fi prop,or at least,they all hope it is. The silver circutry and and thick grey encasement are intricate,even passing thorough tactile inspection. But still...  
"Your fucking us",is Jill's angry response. "You expect us to believe that this is an honest-to-fuck laser gun"?  
"Definitely high tech or at least, its a remarkable fabrication" ,Mason remarked. "We should have Thomas examine it".  
“The sexy Hebrew is right, Alejandro”. “You can't expect us to believe that this is an honest to fuck laser”,the Celt was still fuming beneah clove exhaust.  
Alejandro is calm.”I don't”. "I expect you to believe that its an honest-to-fuck plasma rife,and they are making a boatload of them". Alejandro's eyes are serious for the first time.  
"Bloody hell Alejandro,but your never lying when I really want you to be". Ireland lights another clove and the table goes silent.  
Aurora closes the deal. "We'll need a field test to verify the..."  
Windows break, and kevlar clad elves flow into the pub. Scythes are brandished and people scatter. The enemy had decided to be bold,or so it would seem. Patrons started by yelling about the shards of glass,but ended up cradling the wounds where limbs used to be. Ireland flipped over the table,getting Aurora and Jill behind it. Kris flips over a second,forming a barrier. Mason sees Ireland dive with Aurora,and starts ushering patrons outta the pub like an air traffic controller attempting to manage a stampede. His Desert Eagle quickly humbled any elven elitists who tried to interfere. The only problem being that he couldn't get back to his compatriots with the herd blocking his path. Two assailants come in through the window above the bar. They see two teen tourists,and figure them easy targets. As one,the twins fire two rounds each from their Fort 12s. The elf assassin's could have died from surprise,but the blood splatter still suggests it was the bullet wounds. Alejandro simply smiles amid the carnage.  
"Perfect timing senors",he pulls the plasma rifle out of the case,leveraging it at a nearby attacker and pulls the trigger with a cry of triumph. Nothing happens. "Es no bueno", Alejandro mumbles as the kevlar clad reaper turns his focus towards him.  
Alejandro curses in two languages while frantically banging the rifle,but a pistol shot from Ireland's freshly drawn Berretta splatters the scythe wielder's brains all over his kevlar vest.  
"Muchas Glacias Senorita"!  
"Stop showing off,and get your ass behind cover Alejandro!" screamed an annoyed Ireland.  
"Un momento",the charmer bangs the rifle one more time,takes aim and fires at the front elf in a black robe trio. The end of the barrel sparks,and then a beam of lightning that would make Tesla proud erupts through the front elf and his two buddies,making carterized holes filled with nothing. Ever the peacock, Alejandro says "Shouldn't have brought scythes to a plasma fight you puntas"! and then let's fly on one more assailant before the barrel melts,ending his fun. Lightning cascades across the now mostly abandoned pub,scorching a corner billiard table. Jill expresses the sentiments of all assembled.  
"Fuck me with a Christmas tree"!  
Chapter 5  
The seven remaining assasins just saw an actual plasma canon fry several of their compatriots. Unfortunately,they also saw its barrel melt. Diego might have not made it to cover,seeing as the black clad elves had drawn auto pistols to complement their scythes,but for the ground beneath the assailants' feet suddenly growing icy. The pub was a skating rink in short order,thanks to an elven prayer. Aurora had simply asked the floor to become ice,and it obliged. The assailants skated across the floor,spec ops on ice. But these elves were as arctic born as any,so they were already realigning their shots as Alejandro dove behind one of the overturned tables.  
The tables were sturdy which was good news,considering that each of the angular assasins had taken a booth and started pelting the hasty barracade with bullets. The company had been smart enough to keep the bar to their backs,but there was no room to maneuver. With no clear shot,the twins crouched and moved towards one of the booths. The black robes advanced,still firing. Ireland put two in the chest of one assailant,her barretta howling with anger. Another stealthy Nazi had gone to the trouble of flanking Aurora's table,only to get a clover laden marine knife in the neck as he crawled over the counter,arterial blood flow mixing with spilled alcohol. “Don't let them mess the dress love”,she warns.  
“Wouldn't dream of it”. Aurora replied,hiking her train.  
The twins took aim at at the assailants in the first booth. Gretel hits her target,but Hansel's Fort jams. “Ebat’ Mene”! He curses, dropping The pistol and drawing Sasha,his calvery saber,in it's place. A shot goes wide as Hansel charges forward and stabs the assasins twice in the torso,then slices his throat. Gretel had been trying to take the shot for her brother. She lowered her pistol,annoyed.  
The remaining three had advanced with their squad mates and not even Ireland's combination of speed,skill and luck could deal with all of them. Kris pulled out some darts she had pilfered from the board,originally hoping to challenge Jill to a game. The two throws will never be officially scored,but one hit an enemy elf right in the eye,so that would have to be worth some points. He bowled over,and Kris used the distraction to run for one of the pool cues behind the newly cycloptic assailant while Diego finished him with his freshly drawn boot pistol,which was thankfully more reliable then the plasma canon.  
One of the two remaining assailants dropped her now depleted autopistol and raised a menacing scythe blade towards Jill.  
"Jill,catch"! screamed Kriss,tossing the pool cue towards the softball player. Jill catches it like a pro,and then blocks the scythe with her improvised bo staff. Jill thinks to herself about how convenient and satisfying it would be to nail the gaudy murderer in the balls,but no such option was available. Bitch had toes though,and her quiet elven slippers were thin,not covered by the kevlar.  
Jill stomped down loud and hard hard with sport shoes worthy of a queer tomboy and then beat her Nazi attacker over the head with the rage of a pissed off Jewish girl. The pool cue was stained with blood when Kris finally managed to calm Jill down. The last of the pub's True Elf guests had vanished into a flash bang. Sirens blared in the distance. Diego was chugging a bottle of tequilla that he'd jacked from the bar. Mason stormed in,cursing his old legs and taking a swig of Alejandro's pilfered bottle. Gretel wiped the blood off Hansel's tie and dragged him towards the others. The company barrelled out a side entrance,to find Australia was ready and waiting. “Get the bloody lead out mates, I got chaos on the police band”. She had a radio in one hand,a nearly empty ale in the other. Everyone piled in,and Australia peeled out.  
The woman could fucking drive. It was bouncy,and she spun through curves like a Tasmanian Devil. But why not? That was her nickname in the military. The others grabbed their lurching stomachs. Pretty soon,they reprioritized, grabbing their lurching genitals instead. Like a form of prevenitive triage. There were no reindeer, but the sleigh was flying anyway,Kris thought as her life flashed before her eyes. Australia cursed,as she spun.  
“They already have a bloody barricade forming”! We're fucked dry in the pouch”!  
“Relax, I've got this covered”. Aurora was calm,serene. Closing her eyes,she cast her second spell of the evening,or said her second prayer, depending on one's stance between metaphysics and the Divine. She silently asked molecules to break,atoms to rearrange and light to bend. She asked physics itself to kindly loosen up a bit. She asked, and was obeyed. They vanished,car and all,in a kelidiscope of twisted forms and fractured light.  
...  
No one vomitted as they apperated outside the Wellington airport,which Aurora was glad to see. Jill was a bit shook up,lighting up almost as soon as she reconstituted. Still,she was rock solid a moment or so later. Impressive,considering that Mason and Alejandro just about finished that tequilla bottle between them. Kris was ripping off Jill's bloody shirt and Aurora quickly produced a silk replacement that she always wore underneath her main outfit. Ireland was on her cell in a flash,"Wee lads we need new papers and a flight out,quick as your able". Australia had to collect herself for a minute. She tended to orgasm during a teleport. For a moment they were wondering how to get Alejandro’s info processed in time. Turns out,he had three passports in his jacket pocket. Preparation was the one boy scout virtue he believed in. He even had a spare "old white guy" for Mason. All of the female passports he had on him were Latina,his "white girl" papers having been burned in a "domestic dispute".  
"Where to"? asked Ireland.  
"NYC or Cape Town",said Aurora.  
"I've got a contact in NYC" chimed Mason. "Send me there,while you meet with the internationals in Cape Town".  
"We travel as a team,Mason". "Do you really need to see this contact"?  
"He might give us acess to the American war machine". "Thing is,he might also give us nothing".  
"Forgive a humble thief for butting in,but I have never known the US government to come through in a pinch", Alejandro smiles apolegetically to Mason,"Present company excluded of course".  
"Its your call Mam".  
"Kris,what do you think"?  
"Its a long shot,but a bullseye almost guaruntees victory".  
"Assuming they don't conquer you right after the bloody banquet",Ireland was quick to point out.  
“The US is a player,we gotta know what cards they're throwing down, either way”. The Ausie reasoned.  
Aurora nodded to all. "Let's swing for it,but I want to be back on a plane in two days,hit or miss".  
"If you wanted to woo me,you should have just lead with the baseball metaphors" Jill said as she extinguished her smoke. The company let out an anxious chuckle,relieving stress.  
"I always save a strong closer". replied Aurora. Her smile radiated more confidence then she was feeling at the moment.  
Chapter 6  
Larry richards was a US government gumshoe who kept his desk warmer then most supermodels. That comparison is literal. He had somehow managed to convince a supermodel to marry him once. She left him six months later. He never came home at night.  
Larry had been Mason's partner for a year before requesting a transfer. He told Mason that he took too many risks. They were leaving the office every week. He wasn't adventurous,but he knew how to oil the rigid and rusty Tin Man that was the United States government. That oil is what Mason needed just now.  
They had agreed to meet in Central Park. It was about as far from his office as Larry would travel without a Presidential mandate and a Navy Seal team. Presently,Larry was stuffed into a grey suit,sitting on worn,green bench. He was paying more attention to a subway sandwich then he ever had to his ex-wife when Mason walked up.  
"Hey Mason",Larry said through a mouthful of ham and cheese. He had thought about trying the Italian special,but that reminded him too much of those alimony payments. He had found a loophole that allowed him to avoid actually paying them,but it was still annoying to think about.  
"Hi,Larry",Mason replied. "What's the word from Capital Hil"?  
"First,the President would like to thank you for all your previous years of distinguished service and assure you that the paperwork concerning your retirement pension is being processed as we speak".  
"That's very sweet of him". "It would be even sweeter to provide the resources we need to deal with a threat to the planet that his favorite golf course sits on".  
"Things are heating up in Syria".  
"Things are always heating up in Syria",Mason retorted.  
The President feels it would be unwise to get involved in an Arctic war while the Syrian situation is still unfolding". "We wouldn't want our troops to die in the snow,for some distant land".  
"But when they die in the sand its alright"? Mason fumed. "We need this,your screwing us royally".  
Larry shrugged. "Your getting screwed by Uncle Sam,not me". "And he's doing it Presidentially,if you wanna be precise about it".  
"Come on Larry,we've got radical supremicists with fucking lightning guns that we're trying to get handled". "Allot of people could end up dead,so grease the wheels".  
"We've both been in this business long enough to know that is not about who dies or even the number of deaths". "Its about how many of those fresh corpses will have a residual impact on the average soccer mom". "Arctic oil rights don't open up till 2048 and even a fully loaded minivan would struggle on the polar trails". "Not only that,but your girl won't guaruntee tech rights".  
"She doesn't trust our government".  
"Who does"? Global politics has exactly fuck all to do with trust". "You know that too". "At least The Kiwis love ya,even after you turned a Wellington pub into the OK corral".  
"We minimized civilian casualities and eliminated a dangerous enemy cell".  
"Fuck you Mason, it was bloody and way too public". "Besides,New Zealand only became a battleground because they started taking Arctic refugees". "You don't get bonus points for being the good guys in this business". If you can't pull it off clean,then it needs to happen somewhere that's already fucked regardless".  
"Spill all the dirt and blood in the same place,keep things organized". Mason fired sarcastically.  
"There is no perfect world,Mason!" "We collate the chaos".  
"Not me,I retired from that job". "We lose this thing,you better have spreadsheets ready". "There's gonna be a hell of allot of chaos to collate".  
Larry sighed,going back to his sandwich. Cheese went flying as he spoke again.  
"The Kiwis are all in, but almost every other player is hesitant at best" . "Your damn lucky the British and French sent you their cowboys". "Those commanders begged for the deployment,even threatened to go without approval". "But hey,Canada was very happy to send you a real life Mountie as a tactical advisor,so congrats". "I hear it was quite competive,the winner jumped at the chance".  
"I'm excited to meet her,I've heard she's very good". "I'm getting the impression you didn't exactly beg for us,Larry". "Not feeling the same enthusiasm"?  
"You might lose,and I like my job,it has a great dental plan". His smile was perfect,and joyless. Your the one who decided to become a fucking gunslinger,so you can deal with the consequences". "Call me if you win".  
Mason gave a dry chuckle. "Thanks Larry,your a real class act". The blue suit headed off into the twilight as Larry off-handedly waved good-bye,ham hanging from his mouth,bouncing against his unkempt beard. "Enjoy your war". Mason couldn't tell if he was being ironic or not.  
...  
"Diego,you don't have to shadow me".  
"I am merely strolling in roughly the same direction at roughly the same time".  
"One of your famous coincidences,huh"?  
"I may have had a discussion with the Princess about how it was a fine day for a walk".  
"I thought you were just hitching a ride outta NZ,not to cast dispersions upon your lifestyle".  
"So did I,but a long flight gives one time to think".  
"And time to be swayed by a beautiful Elven princess"?  
"Si,she was very convincing". "She said I can be a knight with my own land and everything". "It'll be cold of course,but I figure everything has its downside".  
"Yeah,I guess so".  
"Being recently knighted,I couldn't just let you get screwed by Larry". "At least,no more then usual".  
"I do appreciate the gesture".  
"So how big will our American force be"?  
"Counting myself and Jill"?  
"Si".  
"Dos senor".  
"Larry is an asshole,even by white guy standards". "No offense".  
"None taken".  
"Would tacos make you feel better"?  
"Diego,I'm so low right now that Salma Hayek in red lace couldn't improve my disposition".  
"Es muy mal".  
"But tacos sound like a start". "I can have a full stomach when I tell our princess that I have no legions to offer,just a broken old man".  
"I have seen that old man fight like a legion".  
"When I wasn't run ragged chasing you,or being chased by some fool from my own side with expired orders". Mason chuckled.  
"Si,mi amigo". "But now we are both free of the fool,and are working together".  
"A legion of two"? Mason asked,hand extended.  
"Si,mi amigo". Diego took the offered hand. "Legion de dos".  
Generations later,this simple conversation would be a fundament of Arctican military strategy. Soldiers would form "legions of two",knowing their comrades every move and thought. These pairs would win a thousand battles,but all would chase the legend of this original duo.  
...  
Back in their New York hotel suite,Aurora took the news well,but maybe not for the reason Mason thought. She had suspected that the whole thing was a trap,but had still needed to know if the USA was going to side against them. She never had any hope of an alliance with the yanks,but saw no reason to break Mason's heart prematurely. Alejandro had already served well,keeping alert even when the environment seemed peaceful. Where Mason might trust a badge or a sunny day,Diego would not. The elves had a saying,"Trust the suspects to be suspicious". Alejandro was the most reliable of suspects,even if it was mostly because the attractive female soldiers were on Aurora's side. That was another Elven saying,"Only an elf can charm the charmer". The Princess loved her band of scoundrels,valuing every alcohol and niccotine soaked drop of their blood so much that she could hardly stand the thought of sending them into battle.  
Thomas Trent had arrived only a few hours ealier,but he already had Ausie tangled in wires as he hooked up every gizmo devised by human or gnome. The kid was barely drinking age by yank standards,but the lanky,hazel haired youth knew circuits better then just about anyone. He could have easily started some social network or glorified search engine,riding the digital tide to riches. But the kid loved adventure,and had gotten bored with the vaugeries of an "internet start up" before they had gotten out of the concept stage. Australia loved adventure too,but unlike Thomas,her skill set wasn't applicable to any trade outside gunslinger. Well,it was that or helicopter pilot\aviator. That's actually a good living,but most passengers prefer a smoother ride then the famous "Flying Tazmanian" could manage. Australia could do allot of useful things,but not in that comfortable way that the "civilized folks" tended to prefer. Much like her "Squad Sister" Ireland,she just couldn't settle in a chair.  
"Incoming Alejandro",warned Thomas as a whirling dirvish of chocolate Australian rammed into the Mexican bandit like a much sexier border patrol.  
"Hola,sennorita". Alejandro still managed an easy smile,it was just slightly more difficult.  
"I can't believe you bounced into this little army of ours". "I thought you had forgotten your Squad Sisters,Ireland was acting like she was lost in the outback".  
"Shut it before I punch you in your Ausie pouch"! exclaimed Ireland.  
"Relax Sister,I'm not gonna steal your boy". "I might borrow him now and again.."  
"No fights around the equipment"! Dustin cradled his laptop and modem like they were children. The Twins were right behind Dusty,but far too invested in the mini bar to aid his cause.  
"I'm sure my warrior women will be glad to hear that Commander Lake will be joining us in Cape Town on his way". "Then you'll have two men to fight over". Aurora said with a melodic chuckle.  
"Tristan's our Kiwi"? Alejandro said with interest.  
"Happily so". "The gnomes need a few hours to get proper papers going,and I've decided not to risk another rush job". "We're taking the day in New York,try not to destroy the city".  
"How much damage can we do in a day"? Kris and Jill had been admiring Thomas's vintage video game collection,admiration escalating into utter absorption. They practically spoke in unison.  
"Let's not take it as a challenge" chuckled a more cheerful Mason from the far corner. "Is Commander Lake bringing friends"?  
"A full contingent of NZ SAS". Aurora practically sang. "They might even survive Ausie and Ireland".  
"I would not advise them to drop their guard",muttered a winded Alejandro.  
Chapter 7  
"Your being surprisingly calm about this",said Jill in the smaller room down the hall.  
"Aurora has a thing about harmony" explained Kris. "Seek harmony in the chaos". "Its an old Elven sayin..."  
"Am I majoring in Elven studies"? interrupted Jill.  
"Well,your courting an elf..."  
"She's courting me,let's be clear".  
"Simantics,the ribbon's on your finger".  
"Is she serious about this"?  
"Is the Princess Aurora serious about an old Kringle custom"?  
"Fuck,I'm worried about insulting her now".  
"Relax,the whole idea is that your giving her a chance". "That's it".  
“What about that whole destiny thing”?  
“This is an optional destiny”.  
“That’s not how destiny works,Kris”!  
“Relax,just ride the wave”.  
"Kris,I have a date with an Elven princess"! "What do I even wear to that"?  
"I know what you mean". "Every time we went out I'd get self-conscious about my appearence,its that Elven grace".  
"How'd you deal with it"?  
"I had to change my shirt and brush my hair for each date". Kris shrugged. "Just no way around it".  
"Your tomboy meter is maxed out".  
"Your the one who plays baseball,I'm a soft butch".  
"I need an idea here Kris". "Dig into your soft,femme center".  
"I do have a refrence to give you". "Regie came in with our support team". "Ask him,he'd love it". "He's in the bath getting presentable as we speak".  
"Reginald,your Lady Jill has an emergency of etiequette"!  
Gnomes can fly,it turns out. Reginald apperated as if propelled by his sheer passion for refinement.  
"I might suggest an evening gown in black,elegant but uncomplicated".  
"Yeah, let's look at that". "I'm gonna grab a quick smoke,I'll be back".  
"I am at your disposal my Lady". Jill stepped out as Kris turned to Reginald.  
"Hey Regi,you manage to grab those Reese's and magazines for tonight's party of one"?  
"And those Resident Evil tapes,I believe it was"?  
"Your my gnome,Regi". Kris offered a fist bump.  
"Happy to serve,my Prince". A bit hesitantly,Reginald accepts the fist bump.  
Chapter 8  
General Winter had never lost a battle,and neither had Avery Elfborn. Of course,that unblemished record had relied on Avery's intimate knowledge of the brutal and cold Arctic environment. He had considered that his specialized troops might not fare so well in different circumstances. Even so,the recent battle report had been…sobering.  
It hadn’t been a military engagement. The enemy had turned it into a damn bar fight,and then won through the benefit of their drunken experience. But they had won,and that was all that mattered. They had won,and he had lost. That was undeniable. The truth of a battle was always undeniable. That was the purity of combat,sheding the insubstantial and revealing the cold reality beneath it. The honesty of a blade's edge,never to be swayed by inconstant tongues. Violence was simply a conversation that no one could deny. Avery was uniquely honest among tyrants. He knew he was a violent conqueror,but he felt no shame at that description. Even when some called him a Nazi,he could only muster disappointment. They leaned on rhetoric. He had found an effective counter narrative of course. Elves were an indigenous people,and had been pushed around on their own land,much like groups of human natives. Avery had gotten the idea from some human films,Pocahontas and Last of the Mohicans. It was necessary for any tactician to understand such rhetoric,as it motivated the plebians well enough. Still,Avery found it…distasteful. At best,such trite prattle was a distraction from the purity of battle and the intimate exchange that only bloodshed could provide. Avery’s own tunic had been so soaked with blood at one point that he took to wearing red as a matter of practicality. He had concluded that day that he didn’t believe in good or evil. He believed in victory.Then he switched back to an icy blue,letting the blood show. The chess game had become everything,the Kringles were merely the available opponent. They could offer a battle.  
Battle did not need a prescribed purpose. It’s purpose was inherent and beautiful. It kept the world honest. It was a ballet unmatched, only concluded by death. These thoughts swirled around him,even as the Arctic wind howled through his silver hair and chapped his pale skin. The general of an entire army stood alone amid the icy and desolate plains.


End file.
